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Jokes
Oct 14, 2006 21:32:20 GMT 2
Post by Aris on Oct 14, 2006 21:32:20 GMT 2
Q: How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Two. The trick is, getting them in there.
AC
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Jokes
Oct 15, 2006 12:59:43 GMT 2
Post by monkeykong on Oct 15, 2006 12:59:43 GMT 2
Blonde jokes lol :laugh:
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Jokes
Oct 16, 2006 10:26:16 GMT 2
Post by andycole on Oct 16, 2006 10:26:16 GMT 2
Good one Aris. I like it when they are this short! How short? How many times have you seen the frog, Ulf? Andy p.s. I love the dead duck joke!
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Jokes
Oct 18, 2006 20:38:39 GMT 2
Post by Aris on Oct 18, 2006 20:38:39 GMT 2
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Jokes
Oct 18, 2006 20:55:04 GMT 2
Post by gameboy on Oct 18, 2006 20:55:04 GMT 2
Yeah - but its free postage :laugh:
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Jokes
Oct 18, 2006 23:56:20 GMT 2
Post by pulse8 on Oct 18, 2006 23:56:20 GMT 2
Yeah - but its free postage LOL!! What a dreamer. pulse8
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Jokes
Oct 18, 2006 23:59:47 GMT 2
Post by devster on Oct 18, 2006 23:59:47 GMT 2
Tanker, isn't that slang for Wanker!!!
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Jokes
Oct 19, 2006 16:54:33 GMT 2
Post by andycole on Oct 19, 2006 16:54:33 GMT 2
A guy is driving around Newfoundland and he sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale."
He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yes, I do," the Lab replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The Lab looks up and says,"Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told CSIS about my gift, and in no time at all, they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running."
"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security wandering near suspicious characters and listening in."
"I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
"Ten dollars," the owner says.
"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"
"Because he's a liar. He never did any of that sh*t."
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Jokes
Oct 19, 2006 21:27:38 GMT 2
Post by sAner on Oct 19, 2006 21:27:38 GMT 2
;D haha! rotfl!!!
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Jokes
Oct 20, 2006 5:00:55 GMT 2
Post by Aris on Oct 20, 2006 5:00:55 GMT 2
A guy walks into a washroom and sees that the first cubicle is occupied. He goes into the second cubicle. Just as he sits down he hears a voice from the first stall:
"Hi there"
The guy is taken aback, but being a polite person replies in kind:
"Hello" he says.
The first guy says: "How's it going?"
The second guy is finding this weird, but again, replies anyway: "Not bad." says the second guy.
The first guy says: "So, what are you up to?"
The second guy replies: "Well, I'm actually catching a flight back to Tennessee."
Then the man in the first stall says: "Look, let me call you back, there's some jackass in the stall next to me who thinks I'm talking to him.
AC
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Jokes
Oct 24, 2006 4:16:43 GMT 2
Post by Aris on Oct 24, 2006 4:16:43 GMT 2
A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer.
The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings ."
The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer.
The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings ."
The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar."
The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings "
The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer.
The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs."
The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs."
The bartender says, "You are now. That was a barbitchyouate."
AC
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Jokes
Oct 24, 2006 4:44:41 GMT 2
Post by pulse8 on Oct 24, 2006 4:44:41 GMT 2
Dreadful. Bloomin' dreadful! pulse8
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Jokes
Oct 24, 2006 4:59:38 GMT 2
Post by Aris on Oct 24, 2006 4:59:38 GMT 2
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Jokes
Oct 24, 2006 14:39:44 GMT 2
Post by monkeykong on Oct 24, 2006 14:39:44 GMT 2
Andy your talking dog joke is a killer!
Heres one I hope people dont find offensive. If so please remove :biggrin:
A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. His English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions: Have you any grounds? Yes, an acre and half and nice little home. No, I mean what is the foundation of this case? It made of Concrete. I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge? No, we have carport, and not need one. I mean. What are your relations like? All my relations still in Poland. Is there any infidelity in your marriage? We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player. Does your wife beat you up? No, I always up before her. Is your wife a nagger? No, she white. Why do you want this divorce? She going to kill me. What makes you think that? I got proof. What kind of proof? She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at Drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say: "Polish Remover"
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Jokes
Nov 2, 2006 22:02:56 GMT 2
Post by Aris on Nov 2, 2006 22:02:56 GMT 2
Nice one mate!
Here's an old one I came across recently:
Two men are driving through Kentucky and get pulled over by a cop. The cop walks up to the driver side window and taps on it with his billy-bat. The driver lowers the window and the cop whacks him in the head with his stick.
"What the hell was that for?" the driver asks.
"In Kentucky, we expect you to have your license ready when we get to the car." the trooper replies.
"Sorry, we're not from around here." the driver replies.
The officer then walks over to the passenger's side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls down the window, and the cop smacks him in the face with his night stick.
"Why the hell did you do that?" screams the passenger.
"Just making your wish come true." replies the officer.
"What wish?" asks the passenger.
Oh, about a mile down the road, you were gonna say, "I wish that as*hole tried that sh*t with me".
AC
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