Post by monkeykong on Sept 5, 2006 12:48:13 GMT 2
A few jokes to make you chuckle
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son.They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son.... Men use them to have safe sex.""Oh I see." replied the boys pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package."The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday.""Cool!" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks "Thenwho are these for?""Those are for college men." the dad answers, "TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday.""WOW!" exclaimed the boy; "Then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack.With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March........
and a Dave joke...
Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff : "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"
"No drama, boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."
So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door and Tom Cruise shouts, "Dave! What's happenin?? Great to see you! Come in for a beer!"
Although impressed, Dave's boss is still sceptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else," Dave says.
"President Bush," his boss quickly retorts.
"Yup," Dave says . "Old buddies, lets fly out to Washington."
And off they go.
At the White House, Bush spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee and catch up."
Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.
"The Pope," his boss replies. "Sure!" says Dave. "My folks are from Germany, and I've known the Pope a long time."
So off they fly to Rome.
Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Dave says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."
And he disappears into the crowd, headed toward the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack, and is surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to his boss' side Dave asks him, "What happened?"
His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony, and the man next to me said , "Who the f**k's that on the balcony with Dave?"
Indy :laugh:
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son.They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son.... Men use them to have safe sex.""Oh I see." replied the boys pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package."The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday.""Cool!" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks "Thenwho are these for?""Those are for college men." the dad answers, "TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday.""WOW!" exclaimed the boy; "Then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack.With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March........
and a Dave joke...
Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff : "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"
"No drama, boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."
So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door and Tom Cruise shouts, "Dave! What's happenin?? Great to see you! Come in for a beer!"
Although impressed, Dave's boss is still sceptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else," Dave says.
"President Bush," his boss quickly retorts.
"Yup," Dave says . "Old buddies, lets fly out to Washington."
And off they go.
At the White House, Bush spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee and catch up."
Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.
"The Pope," his boss replies. "Sure!" says Dave. "My folks are from Germany, and I've known the Pope a long time."
So off they fly to Rome.
Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Dave says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."
And he disappears into the crowd, headed toward the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack, and is surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to his boss' side Dave asks him, "What happened?"
His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony, and the man next to me said , "Who the f**k's that on the balcony with Dave?"
Indy :laugh: